


Devil Side

by Stahvie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 21:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14679825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stahvie/pseuds/Stahvie
Summary: A request for a fic based on Devil Side by Foxes





	Devil Side

You watched from one of the windows overlooking the hanger Kylo’s ship had just arrived in, sighing deeply into the transparisteel. Even from so far away you could always tell from his gait when things hadn’t gone as planned. He stormed past the officers waiting for him with important First Order business, pushing them backward with a swift aggressive movement of his hand if they got too close. His anger was infamous but you were able to look past his demons to see the real him. Or, at least, you used to.

“This is it. It has to be today. You’ve put this off for too long.” You whispered to yourself, trying to find the courage inside yourself.

You felt disconnected from your body as your feet carried you slowly through the corridors of the giant ship, shaking as you tried to find the words you never hoped you’d have to say. You wouldn’t have to do this if he just stopped blocking you out and let you help him. You felt so invisible to him and yet it seemed like every eye was on you as you passed people on your way to your shared quarters.

The door hissed open. Ren was pacing. Fuming. Maybe this was the wrong time to do this. Then again, when would the right time be? Seconds passed, possibly minutes, and he still hadn’t noticed you. Perhaps he had and just didn’t care.

“Kylo?” Your voice wobbled. You couldn’t do this. Your eyes stung trying to hold in the tears.

“What?” The dark-haired man stopped in place waiting for you to continue. You weren’t able to. He turned to you and rushed towards you raising his voice. “What?!”

Inches apart you stared up into his dark honey eyes, they were full of anger and pain but there was more behind that. Somewhere hidden inside them was the man you’d fallen in love with and the memories you shared. Concealed behind those eyes was every kiss you’d shared, every time you laughed together, every loving conversation you spoke. Your cheeks used to hurt from smiling, now the pain was in your heart. You needed to do this not just for yourself, but for him as well.

“I can’t do this anymore, Kylo. I’m not strong enough.” Your chin fell to your chest, unable to look him in the eye. Tears drenched your eyelashes before falling away from your puffy eyes and down your cheeks.

“No.” He refused, his hands shot up to the collar of your shirt and pulled you sharply closer. Although you hadn’t said it explicitly, he knew instantly what you meant. You definitely didn’t have the guts to look at him now.

“I’m sorry. I can’t make you happy anymore, Kylo.” You spoke gently against his knuckles, delicately placing your trembling hands over his. He began to make a noise in protest but you interrupted. “Don’t deny it, Kylo. You haven’t been happy in a long time. Neither have I. We used to share our pain but for some reason you’ve blocked me out and I can’t fix you. Maybe someone else can save you. Maybe they can help you find that spark inside you that I fell in love with.”

“No.” He repeated. His hands released your shirt and wrapped them as far around you as he could get, dragging you into his chest. His hands snaked tenderly through your hair. He was gentle, he didn’t want to break you even though you were already falling apart. “I’m sorry. No one could ever replace you. You’re the only one who could ever bring peace to my mind. I thought I was saving you from myself. I figured if I kept it to myself, I could protect you from my pain. I love you, I’m sorry, please just… just please don’t do this.”

You pushed away enough to look up at his tortured face. You were supposed to be doing this to help him, so why did it feel like you were only hurting him more. Your hand reached up to hold the scarred side of his face in your palm and traced your thumb over his lightly quivering lip. There he was, the man you loved. He was vulnerable and exposed, begging you to stay.

“Things can be like they were. Don’t leave me.” He pleaded pressing his forehead to yours. He closed his eyes trying to hide from the pain he’d caused the two of you by raising his defences and pushing you away. “I need you.”

It was true, you could see him trapped behind the agony, he just needed to open up to you, and you needed to be there to remind him. You couldn’t help but feel like you’d exacerbated the problem by letting his demons take over him and staying silent about your feelings.

“I love you.” You sobbed, pressing your salty lips against his.

Kylo’s hands fell away from your body and found their way back to your face. He was never going to let you go, not for as long as he loved you and he made no plans to ever stop. His firm grip engulfed your face as his lips pushed back against yours, he’d come too close to losing his whole world.

“I love you too, [Y/N].”


End file.
